i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
