Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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