Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
