Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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