I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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