You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
