Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
