I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
