I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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