I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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