And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
