remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
