So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
