Will you blow on my dice?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
