my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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