What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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