NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
