my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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