worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
