someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
