break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
