now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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