oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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