I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
