you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
