So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
