I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
