So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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