We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
