yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
