splinters make it hard to masturbate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
