the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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