She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
