i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
