morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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