true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
