Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
