Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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