Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
