So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
