garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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