This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
