Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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