When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
