dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
