Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
