Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm like, not good at living.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
