i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
