marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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