my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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